I was told most sports weren’t feminine and the ones on the approved list were subject to rules that moderated and tempered girls’ aggression. Because I am brown, I was told to stay indoors and avoid the sun because heaven forbid I get darker. I was shamed and policed for more than just the shape of my body. I needed to show my body but not my skin skin invited trouble. I was told to look available, but not too available approachable but not too comfortable because comfortable meant I wasn’t trying hard enough. ![]() My clothing was monitored and criticized by both men and women. They felt entitled to inform me how I should dress when I should smile, and how I should always try to make myself appealing to them. When I wore fitted clothes, people would tell me I looked, “fuckable.” When I wore baggy clothes to make my “fuckability” less pronounced, people told me I looked sloppy and should dress better. Then followed my classmates talking behind my back when the molded-cup bra my mom bought me at the time made me look even more developed than I was. I remember being teased for how much my breasts bounced when I ran during gym class I wore two bras to compensate and still faced comments like “you’re going to give yourself a black eye” or “try not to get a concussion.”Īt the same time, I was told my body excited men. I remember being in grade school, and my teacher loudly whispering during attendance that I needed a bra. Growing up, I was taught to be ashamed of my size and my breasts. And it reminded me how, even in the cosplay community that has allowed me to be so free, I am still not immune from body shaming. ![]() His comment brought back all the ways I’d experienced body criticism throughout my life.
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